Putting myself in check

I am a complainer by nature. I realize that is not one of my finer qualities, but it's the truth. I have been especially complain-ey this last week (ok, maybe this last year) about moving, our house not selling, living in the apartment, job situation, school situation, etc etc....and now moving again.I've been packing all week preparing for Friday and the apartment is an absolute disaster. Everything is out of place, everything is unorganized, pushed to the side, stacked to the ceiling, and all up in my way. Complain much? YES! Just a few minutes ago I was tip toeing quietly down the hall to take a shower. Addy is sleeping so I was trying my very best not to wake her sshhhhh so quiet.....and down I go.I trip over a stack of boxes and face plant onto the floor. I said a string of some very unlady like words and then went on to the bedroom and almost started crying. Sound a little crazy? Yes! But in my defense, we've got a lot going on this week, I'm feeling just a little stressed, I strongly dislike big messes, its PMS week, and I fell down and it hurt! Good thing is my little spill did not wake the baby! I decided I needed to take a moment to stop complaining and just be thankful. So I am going to list at least 10 things that I am thankful for and hope that it gives me a little perspective.

1. I am thankful for my sweet baby girl. God has blessed in the most incredible way by giving me that precious little person. I am just overwhelmed by the love I feel for her.
2. I am thankful for Justin. He has been the sole provider for our family for almost a year now and he works so so hard. He works harder than anyone I've ever known and he does it for me and Addy. He works long, stressful hours and most days still manages to come home in a great mood. We love daddy!
3. I am thankful for my Mom. She is the best mom is the world. She's my best friend, and even at 29 years old, she still knows how to make everything all better when its not going my way.
4. I am thankful for my family. I don't have a big one, basically just me, mom, Ryan and Lisa, and Mimi. But they are pretty great. I have really enjoyed being closer to Ryan and Lisa this year and I'm looking forward to being even closer after we move. Any big sister worth her salt would never publicly admit to liking her little brother- and I totally don't- but he's really ok and he's a great uncle. Pog- if you read this, I will still beat you up if you try to question my authority.
5. I am thankful for my in law family. I hate the word in law, it sounds so formal. And I am really very lucky because I married into a great family that has always accepted me with love. I've never had a big family, so being a part of Justin's is always a fun experience.
6. I am thankful for my friends. I am a firm believer that a woman is only as strong as the circle of women that she surrounds herself with, and I know some pretty fabulous ladies!
7. I am thankful that I will be starting back to school in the fall. I have been working on my masters since 2008! That's a long time! I am looking forward to finishing up my final two semesters.
8. I am thankful that we found a house to move to. It was pretty slim pickins' and I wasn't sure we would be able to find anything. We got very lucky, which was a nice change from the usual. It is a nice home in a good neighborhood and close to family.
9. I am thankful for my health and my family's health.
10. I am thankful for naps. Sounds like a silly one after all the super good ones I listed above right? But seriously, I think God invented naps specifically for stay at home Moms. It is how we keep our sanity :)

Happy weigh in day to me!

Tuesday morning is my weekly weigh in day. In the past I have always weighed in on Mondays. But I know that the weekends are when I am most likely to cheat be more lenient with my diet so I like having Mondays to get back on track. Today the scale revealed that I have lost 3.5 lbs! I LOVE having a really good week, it makes me want more! I started a new work out last week and I think that is what pulled me out of my rut. I am doing Power 90 and its sort of like a prerequisite to P90X. I won't say that I enjoy it (because I hate all exercise) but as far as a workout goes, I like it. It isn't dancey at all which is great for me because I zero amounts of grace and balance. It is challenging, but do-able. I hate a workout that is so challenging that you just feel like an out of shape loser because you can't keep up with the instructor and the cute skinny half-dressed people in the background. When I get something like that, I end up either half-ass doing the workout, or I just quit all together. So challenging yet do-able is perfect for me. I also like that it has 2 levels so that once you master level 1, you can move on to the next. This should keep me from getting too bored and also avoid that plateau we all hate.

I'm excited! I definitely feel like I've gotten back my weight loss mojo. I have been slacking for some time and feeling pretty disgusted with myself. I have 18.5 lbs to go, but I feel like I'm on the right road to get there. I keep looking at my buffalo picture which also keeps me motivated. I'm not ready to share this picture yet, but it will be one of my "before" pics for sure. It is a picture I took of myself and Addy on Valentines Day and I call it my buffalo picture because in it I look like a baby buffalo! Ugh, it is seriously horrible! But I will share this photo, which is also good motivation. This is me and my girlfriend Sam looking fabulous at her Bachelorette party in August 2008 (2 months before my own wedding.) I haven't ever gotten to say this before, but I think I look pretty smokin' here. I want to look like this again!

Two Fun Days in a Row!

Momma and Addy have been livin' it up the last two days! Yesterday was the first warm day of the spring and I was super excited to put Addy in one of her new spring outfits that she got for her birthday. Luckily, one of my most favorite of those outfits was lime green and perfect for her to wear on St. Patty's Day! I decided that morning that I wanted to take Addy for her first frozen yogurt treat. She has 4 top teeth coming in and it has been so so hard on her this last week. Two of them have finally broken through and you can see white, but the other two are definitely being stubborn and causing my normally sweet baby to be some what demon-ish at times. Anyway, I thought the yogurt would feel wonderful to her sore little gums. We lucked out when Uncle Pog needed a ride home from work around lunch and he got to join us at the most delicious fro-yo spot, Sweet Cee-Cee's. After that we did a little window shopping and then headed home for a good nap.

Today, we went to the Nashville zoo with Julie and Lucy. The weather was fabulous! It was definitely warm, but there was a nice cool breeze every now and then that kept it nice. Addy is still a little to young to enjoy the zoo because she doesn't understand, I guess how to look for the animals. You know they are always hiding and you have to point them out. She did, however, like the meerkats! I was able to push the stroller right up to the exhibit and the meerkats would come right up to the glass and scratch. Both of the girls really got a kick out of that. Lucy loved looking at all the animals. We took our lunch and had a great picnic in the designated grassy picnic area. It was such a nice change to our normal routine, and the fresh air was awesome! I really enjoyed it and even got a little sun on my arms. I'm crossing my fingers for a little touch of tan :)

Sadly the fun, at least for now, is over. This weekend we are going into full packing mode. This time next week we will be getting ready for bed for the first night in our new house. I like the sound of that!

A long year, a fresh start

We have been in Nashville almost a year now. Our official move-in date here at our apartment was April 9th and our official moving-out date is now set for March 25, which is next Friday. To say I am HAPPY is an understatement. I am so excited to be getting out of this apartment that I can hardly stand it! We are moving into a house in Spring Hill which means more square footage! This last year has been like living in a shoe box, we are literally busting at the seams. We are renting because our home in Memphis never sold. We currently have renters living there. It is not our ideal situation, but for now it is what works. Either way, I am ready to say good bye to the obnoxious dryer, the stomp queen above us, muddy walkways, and broken fridge drawers and say HELLO to a jacuzi tub, a mailbox that is actually in my driveway, a playroom, our grill, and a yard where Addy can play!

I have been staying at home with Addy since last August. I have enjoyed her so much, however I never had a clue how much work stay at home Moms do and how hard it can be sometimes. It is one of those things that I don't think you can truly respect until you have done it. My life completely revolves around her, and I wouldn't have it any other way. But it is difficult not to lose yourself when you live for someone else. I have struggled with that as well as trying to find my way through maintaining a marraige after a baby. I remember my pre-baby self saying things like, "I am so busy", "I'm so tired", and "There's just not enough hours in the day". HA HA, is all I have to say to that. I didn't know what tired was...and lets not even talk about free time. What in the world was I doing then, because now I know what it means to seriously have not a free minute. Oh I remember what I was doing....going to the gym, getting my nails done, napping, happy hour with the girls, long weekends with Justin. You know, stuff like that. Our lives have definitely changed, but absolutely for the better. Justin works such long days that sometimes its like we are just ships passing in the night. But we have finally figured out little ways to make the most of our time together and life is good. As for keeping up with myelf, I have recently gotten back on my diet and started working out again. It is difficult to find the time and even more difficult not to snack during the day since I am at home and within pantry reach at all times. But working on my body makes me feel good about myself, even though it is a daily challenge. I didn't reach my goal last year of running a 5K, but I have not given up and I am looking forward to spring temperatures and getting back into my running shoes! Several of my girlfriends are also doing weight watchers so we all encourage eachother. Although it would be nice if any of them were close enough to workout with, I am still thankful we are doing it together. So I'm feeling good.

We just celebrated Adalyn's 1st birthday a couple of weeks ago. The weather was beautiful and so many of our family and friends came to share our special day. I worked very hard on the planning and putting everything together. I was really happy with the way everything turned out, but seriusly, first birthday parties are a lot of work! It was so much fun to see Addy and all of her little friends down in the floor playing together. Most of my friends' kids are Addy's age or within a year or so of her and I love that they will be friends too. I have always been blessed with such amazing friends. I can't believe my pretty girl is already one! Her first year went by too fast. Every new stage in her life was so fun and exciting and Justin and I did our best to take in every precious moment. I am looking forward to all the new things her second year will bring. I see walking in our very near future! I wouldn't trade being home with her for anything in the world. I am so greatful for Justin giving me this opportunity. Being a single income family was never in our plans and it is not easy. I will never ever be able to thank him enough for the time she and I spend together. I love that little girl more than anything in the world. Being her Mom is the best job I will ever have, and despite all my pregnancy nightmares, I am actually pretty good at it.

I will be moving temporarily back to Jackson in the fall with Addy. Unfortunately only 8 hours of my graduate courses will transfer so since I have over 30 hours of credit I have to finish at the University of Memphis. I will begin student teaching in August and luckily I can complete this in Jackson where I can live with Mom and I have lots of support to help with Addy. I am dreading being away from Justin through the week, especially with monkey. She adores her daddy and I know it will be so hard on both of them. After the fall I will be certified to teach, and if there happens to be openings, I will be back to work in January. Although the 16 weeks will be hard on all of us, it will be so worth it in the end. I will have to complete my master's project online in the spring and then I will finally graduate in May 2012. Yay!!!

To sum up, this was one of the hardest but at the same time the absolute happiest year of my life. Having Adalyn has brought more love and laughter into our lives than we could have ever imagined. Good things are coming this way for our happy little family. Stay tuned....

Three Months

How in the world is my little baby three months old already?! I can't believe how quickly the time is going by. She is such a joy to me. Right now she is very in to her bumbo seat. She thinks that laying down is for little babies and that sitting up in your bumbo seat is totally where its at! She is "talking" more and seems to coo and gurgle sometimes as if she was in conversation with me. She watches me so intently when I talk to her and smiles when I smile or laugh. It is awesome!

We took her to the pool for the first time two weekends ago. Unfortunately she was too small for the floaty that we bought her. Funny, that is the first time we have EVER been able to say that about anything when it comes to Addy, she's a big girl! When I bought it, I noticed that the box said 6+months, but I just never thought that my 17lb baby would ever be too small for anything. So pool day didn't go exactly as planned, but she did seem to like the water and I she looked adorable in her swimsuit!

Toys!

Yesterday was such a fun day! First of all I have to say again how much I LOVE my Tuesdays and Thursdays at home with Adalyn. I absolutely would not trade them for anything in the world. Some days are productive and others are not. Some days we get out of the house, and some days we do not. Either way, whatever we do, the day is awesome hanging out just the two of us!

As we are approaching 3 months (next week!) Addy is changing so much, both physically and developmentally. It is like she does something new every day! She laughed out loud for the first time on Mother's Day. It was a beautiful sound! Justin was talking to her and she was just listening so intently and then she let out a little chuckle. It was so precious and I could see how much it meant to her Daddy that he was the first one she laughed at! She smiles all the time in response to me talking to her and "talks" too. Her little fat, cheeky, grin is just too cute for words! I would love to show off some pictures of this pretty smile, however, I can't seem to catch it on camera. She can just be laughing and smiling away, but as soon as I break out the camera...the show is over. She puts on that pouty little grumpy face that you see in all of her pictures. I honestly think that the camera distracts her. It is grey and shiny and when it is in front of her she doesn't care what I am doing or what noises I am making to get her to laugh, she only wants to focus on the grey shiny thing...and focusing requires her serious face! But I am determined to catch that smile!

So, yesterday I had her in the floor propped up on her boppy pillow and I offered her a stuffed monkey to play with. She has never expressed any interest in toys of any kind, not even a rattle. So I expected her to look at me crazy and "request" her passy. She has started teething early so it is hard on her as she isn't old enough to really know how to hold a teether and put it to her mouth to chew. I tried holding an iced one to her mouth for her so that she could chew, but she just licked it like an ice cream cone...which was super cute, but not really helping her little swollen gum. The monkey that I offered her has chewable hands so I thought she might want to give it a try. She didn't care for the chewy hands but she did LOVE putting the soft parts of the monkey in her mouth. It was so so so SO cute. She was even holding him! She was going to town chewing on that monkey and Mommy was loving it. I took like a million pictures which I will post when I have a minute to download them to my computer. I couldn't believe she was finally taking interest in toys. I gave her a few more to try out. She still didn't care much for anything hard like rattles or teethers, but she was loving anything soft and furry and put it right in her mouth. I was so proud! I love that little girl!

Change

It has been over a month since my last post. I have vowed that I am going to start making time for my blog again because I really love writing this. It is like an outlet for me to just write whatever I want about my thoughts and experiences. Cheap therapy I guess you could say.



Anyway-so much has changed since I posted on Addy's one month birthday. Pretty much EVERYTHING in my life has changed in the last 5 weeks. Justin received a promotion at work, which is fantastic and I am so proud of him. However, with this promotion came a transfer to Nashville. I was excited to move. We have always hoped to to relocate to Nashville because it is just a nice place to live than Memphis and we have both of our siblings in the Nashville area. However, the idea of moving with a newborn was a very scary idea, not to mention we were going to have to put our house on the market at a not so great time and hope that it sells before Kenworth stops paying for our apartment in Nashville. Also, Justin's company was not into waiting around and wanted us to move in 2 weeks. We had a ton of work to complete on the house to get it ready to sell, we had to find an apartment and a daycare in Nashville, I had to find a job because my job did not have a position to transfer me to, and oh yeah....I had a one month old baby!



Moving day was horrible. We had been so rushed that everything was just thrown together and we were no where near as prepared for the move as we should have been. We had to store a great deal of our stuff because of course when you are downsizing from a 1700 square foot house to a 1100 square foot apartment, there is just not enough room for everything. So we had two separate moving trips, one to Brownsville for storage at Dee's house, and then the real move to Nashville. There was just not enough time to finish everything we had to do to the house to get it ready to sell so we just had to accept that we were going to have to come back next weekend and finish up. I hated walking out of my empty house. It was so emotional for me. That was the first home that Justin and I had together. I remember when we were looking for houses to buy. That was the first home that we saw. I loved it so much then, I thought it was perfect. And it was, it was a great place to live and I enjoyed so much making it into a home for us. I couldn't help but cry as I walked through the house. Around every corner there was a wonderful memory, like Justin putting together my yard snowman, cooking our first Thanksgiving meal, the morning that I found out I was pregnant, and bringing home our beautiful daughter from the hospital.



Let me just say that all of my fears and anxieties were justified and the entire moving process was a giant disaster. We were a perfect example of Newtons' law, and everything that could go wrong....did! I won't even go into all of the disastrous events...from the no panties fiasco to all of my good dishes being broken to the US Marshalls showing up on our doorstep the first day I was home alone with the baby....but I promise you, it was a nightmare. However, we did survive. We are finally somewhat settled into our tiny shoebox apartment. We are definitely busting at the seams and there is absolutely not even close to enough room...but its OK and I remind myself daily that it is only temporary. This is definitely not the way I thou gt I would be living as I raise my first child...but again...only temporary.



We no longer have Pooh. If you know Pooh, you know that he is just not an apartment dog- he is hyper and crazy and full of energy. But if you know me, you also know that my dogs are more than pets, they are family. I love Pooh so much and giving him to a new family was one of the hardest things I have had to do. I just felt like I was giving away a part of myself. My heart broke the day that Justin left to take him to his new home. Even typing this I can't help but tear up. I always wonder what he is doing and how he is and I miss him every single day.

I started my new job two weeks ago today. My brother in law, Brandon, owns a fitness gym called Chadwicks and he was gracious enough to offer me a job after I found out that I would not be able to transfer with Compass. I work the front desk part time and I am off on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is such a blessing to be home two days a week with Addy. I get a little bored at work sometimes, but I am thankful to have a job and even more thankful for the time I get to spend with my daughter. I was definitely disappointed that Compass was not able to transfer me, because I did enjoy what I did there. But overall I am happy that things turned out the way that they did. The gym is right across the street from Adalyn's day care so it only takes me 1 minute to get over there to her at the end of the day. I pretty much run to my car at 5:00, I just can't wait to get there and scoop that little monkey up in my arms. Being with her is the best part of my day.

Justin's new job has proven to be quite a challenge. The Nashville shop has some major issues and he was hired as sort of the clean up guy to come in and fix everything. So his days are long and tiresome and he isn't home very much through the week. He is usually home just in time to help me get Addy ready for bed and then we go to bed ourselves as he is usually up and going again by 5am. This has been a hard adjustment for me and I'm sure for him as well. I feel lonely a lot and miss spending time with my hubby. I wish that he got to spend more time with Addy too. But I am so very proud of him and all of his accomplishments.

Addy is 10 weeks old now. I can't believe how fast time flies. Saturday she laughed out loud for the first time. It was precious! She smiles all the time and she is just so busy! She was like that when I was pregnant and I guess it just carried over. That girl is never still unless she is sleeping! I never imagined I could love someone so much. I just look at her and sometimes I feel like I could just bust from all the love I feel for her. I love love LOVE that baby!

1 Month Old

I can't believe Adalyn is one month old today. It has been exactly four weeks today since my sweet little girl was born. The time has flown by so fast and she has changed so much already. She makes the sweetest little noises, especially when she is eating, which is her most favorite thing to do. I can tell when she hears my voice and is looking for me. Her little face just makes my heart melt. Being a mommy is the most awesome experience I have ever had in my life. I love every single moment, even the crying and the diapers, I love it all, she is so amazing! I never thought I could love anyone so much! We have so much going on right now, but I am making sure that I enjoy every second that I have with her. I hate to even think about going back to work, but for now I have three more weeks to spend every waking moment focused on loving on this sweet little baby!

Adalyn

Adalyn Ryan Baker was born on Friday February 26 at 10:55 am. She weighed 8lbs and 15 oz and was 21 inches long. The first comment out of my doctor's mouth was "Look at those cheeks!" I absolutely could not believe how beautiful she was when they brought her around that curtain and showed me her face for the very first time. It was love at first sight for me and for Justin. Our baby girl is finally here!

I have been slacking on my blogging since she was born, but being a new mommy is very time consuming. I spend most of my day either feeding, changing, or pumping. If I'm not doing one of those things, I'm catching a nap, or just staring in wonder at my beautiful daughter. It is just amazing that Justin and I created that tiny precious little thing. Who needs TV, I really could just watch her all day long. She makes the cutest little faces, even when she is sleeping and makes the cutest little sounds. Really, everything she does is cute and perfect to me.

We are doing really well. Addy had lost a little weight at her first doctor's appointment, but has since regained back to her birth weight plus some. On this past Tuesday she was 9lbs. She eats good and sleeps good, just has her nights and days a little mixed up. During the day she will sleep any where from 3-4 1/2 hours between eating. At night she has been waking up every hour to two hours. We put her in her nursery for the first time two nights ago and that is really when this started. I almost wonder if she can sense that she is all alone in there and maybe she is scared. I know that is probably not it and I am just a silly mommy, but it still makes me a little sad. Its not like I am really getting sleep anyway because with her in the other room all I do is stare at the baby monitor screen. That thing by the way, is awesome! Our monitor is so good I can actually see her breathing on it. Thank you Summar baby monitor!

My recovery is going well. I am still pretty sore and on days that I do more or get out it gets worse, but I hardly have time to think about it or notice. The whole c-section thing was not nearly as bad as I had imagined it to be.

Our family and friends have been so amazing since we got home. We have had so many to bring by food, call to check on us, coming by to visit, or just sending sweet messages on facebook. I have just been blown a way by all the love and support. We are so very blessed!

My Mom has been staying with us since she was born and today she went home. I do not know what I would have done the past two weeks without her. She has kept my house clean, laundry done, made sure we ate, and done anything and everything I needed or asked. She is the best. I am so thankful that she was able to be here with me and Addy. I have been sad all day about her leaving and we both miss Nana already.

Today we took Adalyn to see the Easter Bunny to have her picture made. She was a perfect little angel and slept through the whole thing! It is still a little surreal to me that I actually have a baby to take to have her first picture with the Easter Bunny! The last two weeks have been full of firsts and many beautiful memories have been made. I already see how quickly the time flies. She is two weeks old....it seems like she was born yesterday. Our lives have completely changed, and I am loving every minute of it. Being a mommy is more amazing than I could have ever expected.

I can't believe she is really here and really ours!

Tomorrow I become a Mommy

I can't be live this journey has finally come to the end. I remember the morning that I found out I was pregnant. It was late June, we had been back from our Canadian vacation right at two weeks. I sort of had an inkling...(that added on to the fact that I knew we had too much Riesling on a wine tour one night and forgot our "prevention" while on vaca). I had taken a pregnancy test two days before and it was negative, but I just had a feeling. It was a Friday morning. I took my test in the other bathroom while Justin was showering because if it was negative again I didn't want him to think I was crazy. The first pink line appeared and then a very faint...VERY FAINT second line began to show. I was shaking so hard I could hardly walk into our bathroom. I made Justin get out of the shower to look at it. He was a little more skeptical, but I could see the slightest glimpse of excitement spread across his face. What an incredible morning that was! It seems like it was just a few weeks ago....not 9 months ago. The time has flown by so fast. OK, maybe not the last 4 weeks or so, but the rest of it really and truly has just been a blur. A crazy, emotional, beautiful, surprising, special, breath taking, blur.

Today was my last day of being a non-parent. I woke up very early this morning and came down stairs. I spent about an hour holding Darby and giving her lots of kisses. It seems like she sort of knows that everything in our lives is about to change. I know I won't get to spend near as much time loving on my first born baby after Addy gets here, so I loved our cuddle time. After Justin got up, we went to breakfast at Waffle House. I LOVE Waffle House and it was delicious. We came home and spent the rest of the afternoon finishing up some last minute stuff. I finished up my work and set my voicemail and email to away messages. It feels very strange that I won't be at work for 6-8 weeks! I wanted to leave my caseload in a good place so that my supervisor wouldn't be in a hot mess while I am out. Mom cleaned the house all morning...like serious clean, she even did the windows. I am positive that my windows have never been cleaned. Justin ran some errands, picked up groceries, got batteries in everything that is baby, and got the wipe warmer going. I finished adding last minute things into our hospital bag and got the last of our thank you notes written and in the mail. After that we really just took it easy and relaxed a little. Mom cooked us a yummy spaghetti dinner tonight, and my brother just got here about 30 minutes ago. It is getting so close! We have lots of family and friends that will be sharing our big day with us and that makes me very happy!

I wish I could write exactly how I am feeling right now, but I can't seem to think of the right words. I am so full of emotions like excitement and anticipation and love and....so many other things. But I also feel very peaceful. I am not nervous at all. That could all change in the morning, but I will enjoy the calm for now. As much as I can't wait to see my daughter for the first time, I really really can't wait to see Justin see and hold our daughter for the first time. He is going to be such a wonderful Daddy! I am about to have a little family....I never imagined I would ever be this lucky.

Tonight I will be praying for a safe delivery of one healthy baby girl. I can't believe I am going to be a parent. It is the biggest, most important job that I have ever had the privilege of taking on. God has given me such an amazing gift. Tomorrow I will be Adalyn's Mommy.

Letters from Lockdown: Day 7

Wooooooohoooooooo! We are going to meet our daughter on Friday, just three days from now. I can't believe it is finally here. We went to the doctor this morning. My blood pressure was still high and unfortunately Addy was even higher. She still has not dropped and therefore, my cervix has not begun to soften and dilate. My doctor discussed my options with me and she said that even if we were to wait another week, the chances of me being able to have her vaginally was less than 10%. She offered to let me come in on Thursday night and start Pitocin and try to induce labor first, but she said that honestly, the results would be the same. She said that even with contractions, with the way my cervix was at this point, it would be not enough to get her down and get my cervix open. In the end I would be 12 hours exhausted from having labor contractions, but never any signs of labor. So Justin and I decided that a c-section was our best option. I am disappointed....but I want her to have the safest possible delivery....and you all know how READY I am, so I feel relieved. We are scheduled for 10:30am Friday morning. Dr. Chauhan said I should be holding my baby by 11! I am so excited, I can't wait to see the little face that I have been growing for 9 months!!! I am still on bed rest for Wednesday and Thursday, but now, with an end in sight I don't feel so depressed! I actually feel a little panicked. I mean I have to get my house clean, finish up the last of my work, get everything arranged for my dogs.....in just 2 days!! I am lucky that Dee was here yesterday and did laundry for us and my Mom is here to help me get the house ready before Friday. Justin is taking off Thursday too to do any last minute stuff and get the car loaded. So I know it will all get taken care of. Get ready for pictures people! It is finally happening....I am having a baby!!!!!!!!

Weekend Update: T-1 week

My weekend update is a day late....guess I was too busy sitting on the couch yesterday to write in my blog!

Let's see, this weekend I sat on the couch, and then I sat on the couch, and Oooh I almost forgot, after than...I sat on the couch!

As ugly and cranky and obnoxious as I am right now, I want all of my family, friends, and especially my husband to know how much I APPRECIATE and LOVE them so much! Everyone has been so supportive. I have gotten more sweet texts, phone calls, facebook messages, and even drop by visits (with presents and food) than I could have imagined. It is almost hard to feel sorry for myself when I think of how blessed I am and how many people have shown their love for me, and my little family. My Mom cleaned my house for me last week, my girls and my brother call/txt me daily, Julie mailed me the sweetest card and calls/txts to check on me, DB and Wanda cooked dinner for us Saturday (including ice cream cake for dessert!), Sara came by and spent the afternoon with me Sunday (with a bag full of candy and gossip mags from her and Esther), and now Dee is here today catching up our laundry and cooking us dinner. I am so thankful to everyone, you all are so wonderful!! And my sweet little Justin.....he has been the best. He worked around the house all day Saturday, did the grocery shopping, came home with flowers and US weekly magazine, and Sunday cooked me my favorite pasta and shrimp dinner. I love you honey!

Now we are just waiting for our doctor's appointment in the morning....fingers crossed. I'm so ready to meet Adalyn!!!

Letters from Lockdown: Day 4

I have been laying on the couch since 7am. It is now 11:30. FUN!

Yesterday's doctor's appointment was basically pointless, but we did get some good news....still not the news I was hoping for, however. I had lost 4 lbs since Tuesday which is great, knock that off the 70 I've gained. I did not get to see my doctor, she got stuck in surgery. I did not particularly like the guy that I saw instead. He was kind of an ass-hat. We had another ultra sound and Adalyn is still doing great. She was VERY active for some reason yesterday. It was like she was around 7 months. Something just had her happy I guess (possibly the yummy baskin robbins ice cream I had just eaten??). The tech doing the ultrasound was actually having a hard time getting her measurements because she was squirming around so much. She did point out her very fat little cheeks! She tried to print us off a face picture, but again she was to wiggly and it came out all blurry. But she looks cute...of course! My blood pressure was better. Blood pressure is weird to me. The top number was higher, but the bottom number was considerably lower, which pleased the jerk doctor that I saw. Tuesday my BP was 149/90 and yesterday it was 152/70. They did say that although my urine test was not positive for toxemia at this time, some of my levels were boarder line for having it and that it can progress to a serious situation quickly, so I am still on bed rest.

Dr. Chauhan was walking in as we were walking out. She apologized and said she had been in surgery all day. I told her my results and she was pleased, but Jerk Doctor made some smart ass comment that she could tell was irritating me. She kindly put her hand on my shoulder and told me not to worry we would talk more Tuesday when I saw her........

I am praying so hard that she will have a very safe and healthy delivery SOON. I am praying that she will drop and that I will be able to go into labor on my own. I'm ready when ever she is!! I know we are still a week from our due date. I am just impatient I guess....and laying on the couch is definitely not making me any less anxious!!!!!!

Letters from Lockdown: Day 2

In case you didn't already know my doctor put me on bed rest Tuesday due to high blood pressure and crazy insane swelling. I had to finish out the rest of the day because I already had two meetings scheduled. So Wednesday was my first day and today is Day 2. I feel like I have been given a prison sentence, which is odd because I LOVE being lazy, watching TV, and lounging around the house in my PJs. There is just something about being told that I HAVE to that makes it not as fun.

Speaking of fun, the doctor's office called me today and reported that my 24 hours urine collection results were good. I would like to just say that collecting my own pee for 24 hours was probably one of THE MOST DISGUSTING things I have ever done in my entire life. They give you this big gallon jug, which unlike a gallon of milk, is more long that round. So lets just get a mental picture of how that works for a female. You have to pull your pants and underwear pretty much off because you have to totally straddle the toilet and squat to get that thing in between your legs yet over the toilet. You want it over the toilet, because trust me, pee is going to go in other places besides in that jug. I peed in the jug, on the jug, on my hand. on the seat of the toilet, some in the floor and I'm pretty sure I peed on my night gown at one point during one of many of my middle of the night pees. I was thoroughly disgusted with myself when I got up yesterday morning. Wrapping up that jug (after wiping it down with Clorox wipes of course), putting it in my car, and taking it into the doctor's office was one of the happiest moments ever. I hope I never have to do that again. Now I just have to disinfect my bathroom!

However, I am relived that the results were good. My blood test also came back good, so no signs of toxemia. I go back to the doctor tomorrow to have my blood pressure re-tested and to talk about our options from there. Dr. Chauhan told me on Tuesday that I would absolutely not have to go past next Friday the 26th. However, depending on my blood pressure she may induce before then. We also are unsure if I will be able to deliver vaginally. I had an ultrasound on Tuesday and we learned that Miss Adalyn already weighs approx. 8 lbs. Shes a whopper! I'm happy she is so healthy, but Mommy is so miserable. I could literally just start screaming or crying at any point of the day. My back just feels like it could snap at any moment. I guess that is what an extra 70lbs will do for you. I can't really focus on the amount of weight that I have gained because in this extremely sensitive emotional state that I am currently in, I would probably cut myself! Anyway, after my pelvic exam, Dr. Chauhan feels that Addy has "retreated" and has not dropped, she is now further up than she was the week before. She is hiding!! Taking her size into consideration, my doctor feels like her head may be preventing her from dropping, and without dropping there isn't enough pressure on my pelvis to start dilation. GgggrrRRrrrrr. So, I'm looking forward to tomorrow to see what she will tell me.

I have not left my house today. But I have to say that the day wasn't all bad. My supervisor Barbara and two of my co-workers, including my sweet friend Carrie, came by my house this morning. They surprised me, I thought I was meeting with Barbara for work. They showed up with gifts in hand! They had a shower scheduled for me at work this morning, but my bed rest threw off their plans, so they had to bring the shower to me. My whole office met this morning and Barbara videoed them talking to me as if it was the shower. It was so sweet, such a wonderful surprise. I work for really awesome people, and I have really awesome co-workers. I am very lucky. Also, my Mom came today to keep my company and help around the house. It has been nice having someone here, Without her I probably would have attempted escape at least once....being on lock down is hard!

Weekend Update: T-2 weeks

The first part of this week was good, pretty uneventful. I was very busy at work still trying to work ahead to keep my co-workers from having to do too much with my caseload while I am on leave. We had our weekly doctor's appointment on Tuesday. Adalyn's heartbeat was 152 beats per minute. My doctor confirmed that she has officially dropped and is ready for her big debut. Only 1 problem with that, my body is apparently not ready yet. I have still not started dilating on my own. There is still plenty of time of course and some people it just happens all at once, but without dilating there can be no schedule inductions as we have been hoping for the entire pregnancy. Dr. Chauhan is somewhat concerned with her increasing size, so we will be having an ultrasound at our next appointment on Tuesday to get a check on her length and weight. I'm definitely a little nervous about this. Large, LARGE (10 lb) babies run in Justin's family. That does not sound like something I want to squeeze out of....you know where. She mentioned the 'C' word....Cesarean section. I have mixed feelings about that, I guess we will just have to see how it goes.

Thursday night I got a little fake out from my sweet daughter. I had a series of about 3 contractions in about an hour and a half. The last one was really painful, I actually thought we were about to get this party started. We went to bed, but I could NOT sleep, excitedly waiting for the next contraction! However, it never came and it turned into a sleepless night of tossing and turning. I am feeling pretty decent considering.... my swelling is still unbelievable, it really gets worse by the day. I don't know how my doctor is not concerned, but she isn't. My fingers actually ache and throb with pain and my legs and feet....I can't even describe at this point what they look like. It's awful.

Friday I spent the day getting ready to head to Jackson to spend the night at my Mom's and hang out with my Mimi and Pog and Lisa. Sadly, these plans did not work out. I'm sure you all know what happened in Huntsville on Friday afternoon, and that Lisa's mother Stephanie was shot. Our family has spent the weekend trying to cope and make sense of this horrible tragedy. Good news is that at this point, Stephanie is doing very well. She is still in ICU, and will be for some time, but she is responding to family through nods and hand squeezes and even mouthing words, which is amazing progress for what happened to her. You can read updates and leave supportive messages for Ryan and Lisa at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/stephaniem. I ask you to visit the site and leave a message for them, even if you don't know my brother and Lisa, every word and prayer is encouraging and at a time like this, the love and support of others is what can keep you going and keep your hope and faith alive.

Justin and I waited in Jackson Saturday night and did get to spend a little time with Pog and Lisa. My mom had driven them to Huntsville Friday night, so they came back late Saturday so that Ryan and Lisa could go home and get some clothes and some things in order before going back to Huntsville Sunday afternoon. Again, please continue to send your thoughts and prayers their way.

Sunday, Justin and I finished up in the nursery. Everything is really ready to go, just waiting on a baby! I finished packing our hospital bag and Justin got her car seat in the car. Just two more weeks!

I do not understand....

Can you believe how sick this world has become? I have been awake since 4am pondering this very question. I watch the news, I read updates on my MSN home page, I live in Memphis for crying out loud....violence is just a part of daily life that I seem to have, sadly, become accustomed and numbed to. But when it hits close to home, it is hard to ignore, and even harder to accept.

Lisa's mother was shot yesterday during a school shooting at the University of Alabama Huntsville. A woman simply sitting in a faculty meeting on a Friday afternoon was shot 3 times, in the face, hand, and shoulder. Why?? What we have heard and read at this point is that a fellow UAH faculty member, a Harvard-educated, star research professor there at the University, was denied tenure. She unloaded a gun during a faculty meeting of 13 people, killing 3 and critically injuring 3 others, one being Stephanie Monticciolo, my sister in law's sweet mother. Ryan and Lisa received a call around 6pm yesterday, shortly after arriving in Jackson for a family baby shower for me. My Mom drove them to Huntsville last night, which is approx. a 4 hour drive from here. I cannot imagine the horror Lisa felt on that long horrible drive to get to her Mom.

It literally makes me sick to my stomach to think about what happened. This tragedy is so senseless. What would drive a successful, published, celebrated geneticist to commit such an unthinkable crime? This woman killed 3 people, and critically injured 3 more in a matter of minutes. She ended lives and destroyed families; took away some one's son, daughter, husband wife, mother, or father....for what? I just can't process it. Bad, even horrible things happen to us every day. What would make a normal person just snap like that, how can you leave your house with a gun in your car with the intent to do something so horrific? What state of mind do you have to be in to go through with something like this? How can one come face to face with 13 of your co-workers and heartlessly fire a gun repeatedly at them? Thankfully, the police were able to arrest this woman. The news reports this morning say that she has been charged with 3 counts of capital murder in the first degree and 3 more counts of assault in the first degree.

At this point, Lisa's mom is considered stable. She had surgery last night and is in ICU. With lots of prayers and amazing doctors, she made it through the night. She has extensive damage to her face and loss of her right eye. Right now the doctors do not know if there is brain damage or if her speech will be effected. She is going to have a long road of recovery, so I ask for your continued prayers for Stephanie and for Lisa and all of her family.

Happy Celebrity Birthday!

Today is a day for celebration! It just so happens to be the birthday of two of my most favorite celebrities!

First, Happy 41st Birthday to Jennifer Aniston! I have been a Jenn fan since the days of 'Friends'. I love her! I think she is a funny and talented actress and she always seems so classy (except for the whole Jon Mayer thing). I also think she is stunningly beautiful.

Last, but certainly not least.....Happy 18th Birthday Taylor Lautner. That's right ladies HE'S LEGAL!!!! Now I can continue to internet stalk him guilt free without feeling like a child molestor. Is he not the most beautiful thing ever!? I mean, I LOVE him!

Weekend Update: T-3 weeks

This past week was pretty much the same as the last few have been. I'm still extremely uncomfortable and anxious to get this party started. I was disappointed at my doctor's appointment on Tuesday to learn that I have not started dilating at all. I know there is still plenty of time, but I just like knowing in my head the exact date of the light at the end of the tunnel. If I don't start progressing on my own, we will not be able to induce on the 26th. I just have my fingers crossed for next week.

We had our final prepared child birth class this week. We talked all about breast feeding, and it was extremely informative. It made me feel much more confident about a lot of it, but nervous about it at the same time. I can't wait for that amazing bonding experience that I will share with my baby girl, I just hope and pray that I will know how and what to do to ensure that she gets everything she needs from me and more. I want her to be the healthiest happiest baby on the planet!

We worked a lot this week on the nursery. It really is coming together. It is fun to spend time in there. I spend a lot of time in there...especially since I am now sleeping every night in the recliner in there (Thank GOD for that chair, thanks Mom!) but it is fun for Justin to spend time in there with me too, just planning and preparing. It makes me feel close to her already. I guess I should feel really close to her all the time since she lives in my belly, but it makes it hard sometimes because of all the pain and discomfort that I am experiencing. I know every woman goes through these things during a pregnancy. I am no different or any more unhappy, but it is a lot to deal with. I'm going to put a little **disclaimer** right here and state that if you have a week stomach or you just don't want to know Jennifer Baker in an up close and personal way....you should stop reading here because I'm about to go into some gross detail here. On Monday I discovered that I have hemorrhoids. I use discover very loosely because let me just say that when you are 9 months pregnant, using a mirror to try to discover anything is an extremely difficult, nearly impossible task. So I spotted what I assumed were hemorrhoids. I have never ever in my life been so humiliated and embarrassed and just disgusted with myself. At that moment in our bathroom I wanted to be anything or anyone besides myself. I mean how gross is that??! I couldn't stop the emotion again. I had another breakdown. They seem to be coming more frequently here in the last few weeks. I'm not proud, but again, I couldn't stop it. I cried hysterically and called my Mom to ask what to do. Poor Justin just stood by me and tried to comfort me, probably thinking in his head what an idiot I am. He really is the best husband. We had our doctor's appointment Tuesday morning, and my suspicions were confirmed. And by the way...nothing at this point has been successful in solving my new little problem, which just adds to my miserableness.

Anyway....we got to have our shower that was postponed due to weather last weekend, this Saturday. It was great! There is nothing better than spending time with your best friends and family. Misty and Abby's little ones are growing so much. They are so so precious. Wendy and Michael found out in January that baby Lane is going to be a girl! Wendy is due early June. I can't believe that in the next 5 months, we will have 5 kids between the 4 of us. So crazy! Also Saturday, my college crew and I hosted a baby shower for Amber and her sweet baby boy, Riley, due in early March. Adalyn and Riley are the first 2 of 4 babies making an appearance in this group of friends this year. Esther just shared this week that she and David are expecting in August, and Ashley and Chuck will be seeing their sweet baby in September. Babies, babies, babies!

I can't believe that we will meet our daughter in less than a month!

Weekend Update: T-4 Weeks

This week was crazy! Tennessee experienced ICE....and lots of it. The wintry mix started here in Memphis around 9am Friday morning and did not stop all day. We had a steady steam of sleet and frozen rain. We saw a little bit of snow, but not near as much as some of the other places around us. Our back yard was a solid sheet of ice, our poor doggies had no idea what to think of it. They sort of just slid around out there. Although the weather made for some very serious conditions around here, all weekend the neighborhood was filled with happy kids playing up and down the street on four wheelers and trash can lids. I for one did not appreciate the weather whatsoever! My family baby shower was supposed to be Saturday evening and it had to be postponed due to bad roads and ice. I was so very disappointed, I was really looking forward to spending time with my family and best friends. It was one of those weeks (you know from earlier posts) where I just could have used the time with my girls. Also, I hate being on lock down in the house. I started going a little stir crazy Friday, so come Saturday afternoon I had to get out! Since we couldn't go to Jackson for the shower, Justin took me to Chickfila and then to Target. We weren't gone long, but it was enough to keep me from losing it!

Luckily, our shower today was able to go on. Our sweet cousin Ceecee and Aunt Linda had a wonderful shower for us. It was really beautiful and Justin and I had a great time. And Kyle and Ceecee's new house is so pretty! I am so happy that everyone was able to make it safely and celebrate baby Adalyn with us. I can say one thing, Adalyn is going to be one very stylish baby!

The rest of the week was kind of blah for me. I spent most of it in a terrible mood, and I can't really tell you why. Our child birth class Wednesday night was great. We talked about options for pain management, which I love...I love pain medication! We have one more week, we really have learned a lot and the class has helped to relieve many of my anxieties about the actual process if childbirth.

We are now only 4 weeks away from her arrival. I just cannot believe it!! There have been a few points throughout that have seemed to drag a little, but really my pregnancy has gone by so fast. Right now I enjoy spending time in her nursery just getting things organized and ready for my baby to come home. Sometimes I also like to just sit in the recliner in there. I am not doing anything in there, I just like being in her nursery. There is nothing easy about being 9 months pregnant, but as much as hard as it is, I know that in the end, Justin and I are going to have a daughter! What a miracle and a blessing. I can't wait to meet her and see that little face for the first time. It won't be long!

My Justin

I was just reading my friend Valerie's blog and she had the sweetest post about her husband, Matt. It really made me think of how under appreciated my Justin probably feels sometimes, since my big...and usually crazy...personality usually overshadows his calm, cool, laid back personality. I make most things about me and I can be pretty dramatic...again back to the crazy....but in all reality, there wouldn't be a me without him (I probably would have long sense been committed or jailed!) So here are a just a few of the things that I love about my sweet husband Justin.

* Justin has never raised his voice to me in anger...EVER
* He loves my dog, Darby...and she is kindof a buttmunch
* He is so good to all of my family. Sometimes I think they like him more!
* When I'm getting all crazy, he just lets me do it. He doesn't engage my craziness or allow a fight to start.
* I have never had to take out the trash
* He still randomly brings home flowers for me every now and then, just because
* Justin has always supported me being in school...even though we are just racking up more student loans for us to pay on until we are 75. My graduating is as important to him as it is to me
* Justin is probably THE most thoughtful man I have ever known. He has never forgotten a holiday or aniversary and he almost always gives sweeter cards and puts more thought into gifts than I do.
* 3+ years into our relationship, he still opens the car door for me
* He took me to see New Moon (and he knew I only wanted to see it to drool over my 17 year old boyfriend Taylor Lautner)
* He makes me soup and grilled cheese when I'm sick, and he cuts my sandwich in half like I like it
* He doesn't make fun of the fact that I talk to my mom on the phone like 3 times a day
* Justin is smart about money, good thing one of us is. He thinks ahead and plans for our future, good thing one of us does.
* He lets me plan things the way I want, and then when I over plan or get myself into messes, he is the first one to help me out, without ever saying I told you so
* Justin is trustworthy and he is a man of his word. I could tell him I killed someone and burried them in our backyard and he would never tell a soul. I know I am safe with him
* He listens to all of my disgusting gory pregnancy details (in horror I'm sure, but you can't tell by looking)
* Justin is crazy about our baby...I can't wait for Adalyn to get here because he is going to be the most amazing daddy. I can't wait to watch their little relationship grow, I already know she is going to be a daddy's girl.


These are just a few things, I could continue on....