Height For Indian Army
5 months ago
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Will I ever wear my jeans again?
Today was our 6 month check up. Adalyn is doing great! Her heartbeat was 152 beats per minute, and she is growing and moving and developing as she should. I on the other hand, had an absolute breakdown through the entire appointment. Why do they insist on taking your weight at the front of the appointment? It just makes you depressed. At 24 weeks I have gained 29 lbs to date. I am tipping the scales at 193 lbs. Holy crap!?!?! It just broke my heart. I know that I am pregnant and I am supposed to gain weight. I want to do everything I can to make a healthy little nest for Adalyn and to have a healthy pregnancy....however....the weight gain is really hard to swallow. I couldn't stop the tears! I was embarassed and I felt rediculous but I couldn't stop! I could not stop crying and sobbing and shredding the kleenex that the sweet nurse gave me. Dr. Chauhan was not concerned about my weight and said that everything was fine, and I belive her, but it still hurts. I just look at my monster thighs and wonder if my body will ever look the same again. I have struggled with my weight my entire life. I have never been happy with my figure until last year when I lost 35 lbs. to prepare for the happiest day of my life...my wedding to my wonderful husband. I walked down the isle at 150lbs in a size 8 wedding dress and I felt fantastic!! I had put a little of my weight back on of course after the wedding and honeymoon was over, and was comfortable in my size 10 jeans. I guess I just feel sometimes like I did all that hard, hellish work (5am workouts) for nothing. Ok not for nothing....I would do anything in the world for my sweet, precious angel. Again, its just hard I guess. So I have decided to wallow in my own self disgust for one whole day and then tomorrow I will put my head back up and move on and if I need 2 sandwiches for lunch, I will eat my turker on wheat guilt free (both of them). I will continue to exericse when I can and eat healthy foods and feel proud of my baby body! I know I will get my body back, but right now I have better things to worry about....like decorating my girl's nursery and getting everything ready for her big arrival!!
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OH JENN--- such an honest, open, blog post!
ReplyDeleteYou said you intentionally lost all the weight for your wedding, but whether you intended to or not- you also helped make your body stronger for the trials of pregnancy. Good for you!!!
And as far as your body goes.... NO, your body will never look the same again. (Noone ever told me I'd have stretch marks on my boobs!) but you will be able to work yourself back down to a size and weight that you are comfortable with.
Happy baby planning and happy (mostly) healthy eating!
Jennifer- I just noticed your blog site from your facebook page and I love to follow other blogs. I gained 50 lbs in my pregnancy. Aiden is almost 2 and I am about 10 lbs from being back where I was but all the weight has changed. I used to be really concerned with my weight (and I still am) but it's a different concern now- to be healthy not skinny. I have accepted I'll not fit in my size 4 pants again but it's ok because Aiden doesn't care what size I am as long as I give him all the love a mother should. Your priority as a mommy is to keep that baby healthy and the weight gain is just a temporary thing it will go away (maybe not fast but it will). Enjoy the next 3 months and try really hard to push those pounds out of your mind.
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