Tomorrow I become a Mommy

I can't be live this journey has finally come to the end. I remember the morning that I found out I was pregnant. It was late June, we had been back from our Canadian vacation right at two weeks. I sort of had an inkling...(that added on to the fact that I knew we had too much Riesling on a wine tour one night and forgot our "prevention" while on vaca). I had taken a pregnancy test two days before and it was negative, but I just had a feeling. It was a Friday morning. I took my test in the other bathroom while Justin was showering because if it was negative again I didn't want him to think I was crazy. The first pink line appeared and then a very faint...VERY FAINT second line began to show. I was shaking so hard I could hardly walk into our bathroom. I made Justin get out of the shower to look at it. He was a little more skeptical, but I could see the slightest glimpse of excitement spread across his face. What an incredible morning that was! It seems like it was just a few weeks ago....not 9 months ago. The time has flown by so fast. OK, maybe not the last 4 weeks or so, but the rest of it really and truly has just been a blur. A crazy, emotional, beautiful, surprising, special, breath taking, blur.

Today was my last day of being a non-parent. I woke up very early this morning and came down stairs. I spent about an hour holding Darby and giving her lots of kisses. It seems like she sort of knows that everything in our lives is about to change. I know I won't get to spend near as much time loving on my first born baby after Addy gets here, so I loved our cuddle time. After Justin got up, we went to breakfast at Waffle House. I LOVE Waffle House and it was delicious. We came home and spent the rest of the afternoon finishing up some last minute stuff. I finished up my work and set my voicemail and email to away messages. It feels very strange that I won't be at work for 6-8 weeks! I wanted to leave my caseload in a good place so that my supervisor wouldn't be in a hot mess while I am out. Mom cleaned the house all morning...like serious clean, she even did the windows. I am positive that my windows have never been cleaned. Justin ran some errands, picked up groceries, got batteries in everything that is baby, and got the wipe warmer going. I finished adding last minute things into our hospital bag and got the last of our thank you notes written and in the mail. After that we really just took it easy and relaxed a little. Mom cooked us a yummy spaghetti dinner tonight, and my brother just got here about 30 minutes ago. It is getting so close! We have lots of family and friends that will be sharing our big day with us and that makes me very happy!

I wish I could write exactly how I am feeling right now, but I can't seem to think of the right words. I am so full of emotions like excitement and anticipation and love and....so many other things. But I also feel very peaceful. I am not nervous at all. That could all change in the morning, but I will enjoy the calm for now. As much as I can't wait to see my daughter for the first time, I really really can't wait to see Justin see and hold our daughter for the first time. He is going to be such a wonderful Daddy! I am about to have a little family....I never imagined I would ever be this lucky.

Tonight I will be praying for a safe delivery of one healthy baby girl. I can't believe I am going to be a parent. It is the biggest, most important job that I have ever had the privilege of taking on. God has given me such an amazing gift. Tomorrow I will be Adalyn's Mommy.

Letters from Lockdown: Day 7

Wooooooohoooooooo! We are going to meet our daughter on Friday, just three days from now. I can't believe it is finally here. We went to the doctor this morning. My blood pressure was still high and unfortunately Addy was even higher. She still has not dropped and therefore, my cervix has not begun to soften and dilate. My doctor discussed my options with me and she said that even if we were to wait another week, the chances of me being able to have her vaginally was less than 10%. She offered to let me come in on Thursday night and start Pitocin and try to induce labor first, but she said that honestly, the results would be the same. She said that even with contractions, with the way my cervix was at this point, it would be not enough to get her down and get my cervix open. In the end I would be 12 hours exhausted from having labor contractions, but never any signs of labor. So Justin and I decided that a c-section was our best option. I am disappointed....but I want her to have the safest possible delivery....and you all know how READY I am, so I feel relieved. We are scheduled for 10:30am Friday morning. Dr. Chauhan said I should be holding my baby by 11! I am so excited, I can't wait to see the little face that I have been growing for 9 months!!! I am still on bed rest for Wednesday and Thursday, but now, with an end in sight I don't feel so depressed! I actually feel a little panicked. I mean I have to get my house clean, finish up the last of my work, get everything arranged for my dogs.....in just 2 days!! I am lucky that Dee was here yesterday and did laundry for us and my Mom is here to help me get the house ready before Friday. Justin is taking off Thursday too to do any last minute stuff and get the car loaded. So I know it will all get taken care of. Get ready for pictures people! It is finally happening....I am having a baby!!!!!!!!

Weekend Update: T-1 week

My weekend update is a day late....guess I was too busy sitting on the couch yesterday to write in my blog!

Let's see, this weekend I sat on the couch, and then I sat on the couch, and Oooh I almost forgot, after than...I sat on the couch!

As ugly and cranky and obnoxious as I am right now, I want all of my family, friends, and especially my husband to know how much I APPRECIATE and LOVE them so much! Everyone has been so supportive. I have gotten more sweet texts, phone calls, facebook messages, and even drop by visits (with presents and food) than I could have imagined. It is almost hard to feel sorry for myself when I think of how blessed I am and how many people have shown their love for me, and my little family. My Mom cleaned my house for me last week, my girls and my brother call/txt me daily, Julie mailed me the sweetest card and calls/txts to check on me, DB and Wanda cooked dinner for us Saturday (including ice cream cake for dessert!), Sara came by and spent the afternoon with me Sunday (with a bag full of candy and gossip mags from her and Esther), and now Dee is here today catching up our laundry and cooking us dinner. I am so thankful to everyone, you all are so wonderful!! And my sweet little Justin.....he has been the best. He worked around the house all day Saturday, did the grocery shopping, came home with flowers and US weekly magazine, and Sunday cooked me my favorite pasta and shrimp dinner. I love you honey!

Now we are just waiting for our doctor's appointment in the morning....fingers crossed. I'm so ready to meet Adalyn!!!

Letters from Lockdown: Day 4

I have been laying on the couch since 7am. It is now 11:30. FUN!

Yesterday's doctor's appointment was basically pointless, but we did get some good news....still not the news I was hoping for, however. I had lost 4 lbs since Tuesday which is great, knock that off the 70 I've gained. I did not get to see my doctor, she got stuck in surgery. I did not particularly like the guy that I saw instead. He was kind of an ass-hat. We had another ultra sound and Adalyn is still doing great. She was VERY active for some reason yesterday. It was like she was around 7 months. Something just had her happy I guess (possibly the yummy baskin robbins ice cream I had just eaten??). The tech doing the ultrasound was actually having a hard time getting her measurements because she was squirming around so much. She did point out her very fat little cheeks! She tried to print us off a face picture, but again she was to wiggly and it came out all blurry. But she looks cute...of course! My blood pressure was better. Blood pressure is weird to me. The top number was higher, but the bottom number was considerably lower, which pleased the jerk doctor that I saw. Tuesday my BP was 149/90 and yesterday it was 152/70. They did say that although my urine test was not positive for toxemia at this time, some of my levels were boarder line for having it and that it can progress to a serious situation quickly, so I am still on bed rest.

Dr. Chauhan was walking in as we were walking out. She apologized and said she had been in surgery all day. I told her my results and she was pleased, but Jerk Doctor made some smart ass comment that she could tell was irritating me. She kindly put her hand on my shoulder and told me not to worry we would talk more Tuesday when I saw her........

I am praying so hard that she will have a very safe and healthy delivery SOON. I am praying that she will drop and that I will be able to go into labor on my own. I'm ready when ever she is!! I know we are still a week from our due date. I am just impatient I guess....and laying on the couch is definitely not making me any less anxious!!!!!!

Letters from Lockdown: Day 2

In case you didn't already know my doctor put me on bed rest Tuesday due to high blood pressure and crazy insane swelling. I had to finish out the rest of the day because I already had two meetings scheduled. So Wednesday was my first day and today is Day 2. I feel like I have been given a prison sentence, which is odd because I LOVE being lazy, watching TV, and lounging around the house in my PJs. There is just something about being told that I HAVE to that makes it not as fun.

Speaking of fun, the doctor's office called me today and reported that my 24 hours urine collection results were good. I would like to just say that collecting my own pee for 24 hours was probably one of THE MOST DISGUSTING things I have ever done in my entire life. They give you this big gallon jug, which unlike a gallon of milk, is more long that round. So lets just get a mental picture of how that works for a female. You have to pull your pants and underwear pretty much off because you have to totally straddle the toilet and squat to get that thing in between your legs yet over the toilet. You want it over the toilet, because trust me, pee is going to go in other places besides in that jug. I peed in the jug, on the jug, on my hand. on the seat of the toilet, some in the floor and I'm pretty sure I peed on my night gown at one point during one of many of my middle of the night pees. I was thoroughly disgusted with myself when I got up yesterday morning. Wrapping up that jug (after wiping it down with Clorox wipes of course), putting it in my car, and taking it into the doctor's office was one of the happiest moments ever. I hope I never have to do that again. Now I just have to disinfect my bathroom!

However, I am relived that the results were good. My blood test also came back good, so no signs of toxemia. I go back to the doctor tomorrow to have my blood pressure re-tested and to talk about our options from there. Dr. Chauhan told me on Tuesday that I would absolutely not have to go past next Friday the 26th. However, depending on my blood pressure she may induce before then. We also are unsure if I will be able to deliver vaginally. I had an ultrasound on Tuesday and we learned that Miss Adalyn already weighs approx. 8 lbs. Shes a whopper! I'm happy she is so healthy, but Mommy is so miserable. I could literally just start screaming or crying at any point of the day. My back just feels like it could snap at any moment. I guess that is what an extra 70lbs will do for you. I can't really focus on the amount of weight that I have gained because in this extremely sensitive emotional state that I am currently in, I would probably cut myself! Anyway, after my pelvic exam, Dr. Chauhan feels that Addy has "retreated" and has not dropped, she is now further up than she was the week before. She is hiding!! Taking her size into consideration, my doctor feels like her head may be preventing her from dropping, and without dropping there isn't enough pressure on my pelvis to start dilation. GgggrrRRrrrrr. So, I'm looking forward to tomorrow to see what she will tell me.

I have not left my house today. But I have to say that the day wasn't all bad. My supervisor Barbara and two of my co-workers, including my sweet friend Carrie, came by my house this morning. They surprised me, I thought I was meeting with Barbara for work. They showed up with gifts in hand! They had a shower scheduled for me at work this morning, but my bed rest threw off their plans, so they had to bring the shower to me. My whole office met this morning and Barbara videoed them talking to me as if it was the shower. It was so sweet, such a wonderful surprise. I work for really awesome people, and I have really awesome co-workers. I am very lucky. Also, my Mom came today to keep my company and help around the house. It has been nice having someone here, Without her I probably would have attempted escape at least once....being on lock down is hard!

Weekend Update: T-2 weeks

The first part of this week was good, pretty uneventful. I was very busy at work still trying to work ahead to keep my co-workers from having to do too much with my caseload while I am on leave. We had our weekly doctor's appointment on Tuesday. Adalyn's heartbeat was 152 beats per minute. My doctor confirmed that she has officially dropped and is ready for her big debut. Only 1 problem with that, my body is apparently not ready yet. I have still not started dilating on my own. There is still plenty of time of course and some people it just happens all at once, but without dilating there can be no schedule inductions as we have been hoping for the entire pregnancy. Dr. Chauhan is somewhat concerned with her increasing size, so we will be having an ultrasound at our next appointment on Tuesday to get a check on her length and weight. I'm definitely a little nervous about this. Large, LARGE (10 lb) babies run in Justin's family. That does not sound like something I want to squeeze out of....you know where. She mentioned the 'C' word....Cesarean section. I have mixed feelings about that, I guess we will just have to see how it goes.

Thursday night I got a little fake out from my sweet daughter. I had a series of about 3 contractions in about an hour and a half. The last one was really painful, I actually thought we were about to get this party started. We went to bed, but I could NOT sleep, excitedly waiting for the next contraction! However, it never came and it turned into a sleepless night of tossing and turning. I am feeling pretty decent considering.... my swelling is still unbelievable, it really gets worse by the day. I don't know how my doctor is not concerned, but she isn't. My fingers actually ache and throb with pain and my legs and feet....I can't even describe at this point what they look like. It's awful.

Friday I spent the day getting ready to head to Jackson to spend the night at my Mom's and hang out with my Mimi and Pog and Lisa. Sadly, these plans did not work out. I'm sure you all know what happened in Huntsville on Friday afternoon, and that Lisa's mother Stephanie was shot. Our family has spent the weekend trying to cope and make sense of this horrible tragedy. Good news is that at this point, Stephanie is doing very well. She is still in ICU, and will be for some time, but she is responding to family through nods and hand squeezes and even mouthing words, which is amazing progress for what happened to her. You can read updates and leave supportive messages for Ryan and Lisa at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/stephaniem. I ask you to visit the site and leave a message for them, even if you don't know my brother and Lisa, every word and prayer is encouraging and at a time like this, the love and support of others is what can keep you going and keep your hope and faith alive.

Justin and I waited in Jackson Saturday night and did get to spend a little time with Pog and Lisa. My mom had driven them to Huntsville Friday night, so they came back late Saturday so that Ryan and Lisa could go home and get some clothes and some things in order before going back to Huntsville Sunday afternoon. Again, please continue to send your thoughts and prayers their way.

Sunday, Justin and I finished up in the nursery. Everything is really ready to go, just waiting on a baby! I finished packing our hospital bag and Justin got her car seat in the car. Just two more weeks!

I do not understand....

Can you believe how sick this world has become? I have been awake since 4am pondering this very question. I watch the news, I read updates on my MSN home page, I live in Memphis for crying out loud....violence is just a part of daily life that I seem to have, sadly, become accustomed and numbed to. But when it hits close to home, it is hard to ignore, and even harder to accept.

Lisa's mother was shot yesterday during a school shooting at the University of Alabama Huntsville. A woman simply sitting in a faculty meeting on a Friday afternoon was shot 3 times, in the face, hand, and shoulder. Why?? What we have heard and read at this point is that a fellow UAH faculty member, a Harvard-educated, star research professor there at the University, was denied tenure. She unloaded a gun during a faculty meeting of 13 people, killing 3 and critically injuring 3 others, one being Stephanie Monticciolo, my sister in law's sweet mother. Ryan and Lisa received a call around 6pm yesterday, shortly after arriving in Jackson for a family baby shower for me. My Mom drove them to Huntsville last night, which is approx. a 4 hour drive from here. I cannot imagine the horror Lisa felt on that long horrible drive to get to her Mom.

It literally makes me sick to my stomach to think about what happened. This tragedy is so senseless. What would drive a successful, published, celebrated geneticist to commit such an unthinkable crime? This woman killed 3 people, and critically injured 3 more in a matter of minutes. She ended lives and destroyed families; took away some one's son, daughter, husband wife, mother, or father....for what? I just can't process it. Bad, even horrible things happen to us every day. What would make a normal person just snap like that, how can you leave your house with a gun in your car with the intent to do something so horrific? What state of mind do you have to be in to go through with something like this? How can one come face to face with 13 of your co-workers and heartlessly fire a gun repeatedly at them? Thankfully, the police were able to arrest this woman. The news reports this morning say that she has been charged with 3 counts of capital murder in the first degree and 3 more counts of assault in the first degree.

At this point, Lisa's mom is considered stable. She had surgery last night and is in ICU. With lots of prayers and amazing doctors, she made it through the night. She has extensive damage to her face and loss of her right eye. Right now the doctors do not know if there is brain damage or if her speech will be effected. She is going to have a long road of recovery, so I ask for your continued prayers for Stephanie and for Lisa and all of her family.

Happy Celebrity Birthday!

Today is a day for celebration! It just so happens to be the birthday of two of my most favorite celebrities!

First, Happy 41st Birthday to Jennifer Aniston! I have been a Jenn fan since the days of 'Friends'. I love her! I think she is a funny and talented actress and she always seems so classy (except for the whole Jon Mayer thing). I also think she is stunningly beautiful.

Last, but certainly not least.....Happy 18th Birthday Taylor Lautner. That's right ladies HE'S LEGAL!!!! Now I can continue to internet stalk him guilt free without feeling like a child molestor. Is he not the most beautiful thing ever!? I mean, I LOVE him!

Weekend Update: T-3 weeks

This past week was pretty much the same as the last few have been. I'm still extremely uncomfortable and anxious to get this party started. I was disappointed at my doctor's appointment on Tuesday to learn that I have not started dilating at all. I know there is still plenty of time, but I just like knowing in my head the exact date of the light at the end of the tunnel. If I don't start progressing on my own, we will not be able to induce on the 26th. I just have my fingers crossed for next week.

We had our final prepared child birth class this week. We talked all about breast feeding, and it was extremely informative. It made me feel much more confident about a lot of it, but nervous about it at the same time. I can't wait for that amazing bonding experience that I will share with my baby girl, I just hope and pray that I will know how and what to do to ensure that she gets everything she needs from me and more. I want her to be the healthiest happiest baby on the planet!

We worked a lot this week on the nursery. It really is coming together. It is fun to spend time in there. I spend a lot of time in there...especially since I am now sleeping every night in the recliner in there (Thank GOD for that chair, thanks Mom!) but it is fun for Justin to spend time in there with me too, just planning and preparing. It makes me feel close to her already. I guess I should feel really close to her all the time since she lives in my belly, but it makes it hard sometimes because of all the pain and discomfort that I am experiencing. I know every woman goes through these things during a pregnancy. I am no different or any more unhappy, but it is a lot to deal with. I'm going to put a little **disclaimer** right here and state that if you have a week stomach or you just don't want to know Jennifer Baker in an up close and personal way....you should stop reading here because I'm about to go into some gross detail here. On Monday I discovered that I have hemorrhoids. I use discover very loosely because let me just say that when you are 9 months pregnant, using a mirror to try to discover anything is an extremely difficult, nearly impossible task. So I spotted what I assumed were hemorrhoids. I have never ever in my life been so humiliated and embarrassed and just disgusted with myself. At that moment in our bathroom I wanted to be anything or anyone besides myself. I mean how gross is that??! I couldn't stop the emotion again. I had another breakdown. They seem to be coming more frequently here in the last few weeks. I'm not proud, but again, I couldn't stop it. I cried hysterically and called my Mom to ask what to do. Poor Justin just stood by me and tried to comfort me, probably thinking in his head what an idiot I am. He really is the best husband. We had our doctor's appointment Tuesday morning, and my suspicions were confirmed. And by the way...nothing at this point has been successful in solving my new little problem, which just adds to my miserableness.

Anyway....we got to have our shower that was postponed due to weather last weekend, this Saturday. It was great! There is nothing better than spending time with your best friends and family. Misty and Abby's little ones are growing so much. They are so so precious. Wendy and Michael found out in January that baby Lane is going to be a girl! Wendy is due early June. I can't believe that in the next 5 months, we will have 5 kids between the 4 of us. So crazy! Also Saturday, my college crew and I hosted a baby shower for Amber and her sweet baby boy, Riley, due in early March. Adalyn and Riley are the first 2 of 4 babies making an appearance in this group of friends this year. Esther just shared this week that she and David are expecting in August, and Ashley and Chuck will be seeing their sweet baby in September. Babies, babies, babies!

I can't believe that we will meet our daughter in less than a month!